Régen, az első történetek idején az emberek hétvégén még rendes diszkókba jártak, ahová befért egy fél lakótelepnyi ember, és amik vagy külterületen voltak, vagy valami primitív település mellett. És akkor még számított az is, hogy ki fog este játszani. Általában ugyanabból az ötből az egyik, vagy párban.
A két dolog abban különbözött, hogy vagy egy ember beszélt a számok alatt ordas nagy parasztságokat, vagy kettő. De hát diszkóba nem az MTA Szilárdtest-fizikai és Optikai Intézet tagjai jártak, vagy ha igen, akkor ők is baszni mentek, úgyhogy különösebben nem zavart senkit, hogy mit beszélnek olyan emberek hangosan a mikrofonba, akiknek amúgy mozdonyt kéne vezetniük; szinte mindig rottyon voltak a dizsik.
Állítólag a Vizót többször próbálták rábeszélni, hogy hívjon valami külföldi sztárt is, amire azt mondta, hogy minek? Feddelegránde, Tijesztó, meg ezek? Valag pénzbe kerülnek, azt kalap szar az összes. Ezek nem sztárok. Bárány meg Antonio, na ezek a sztárok, két kiló mindkettő, aztán ugyanúgy ötezren vannak minden hétvégén.
Ha meg vége volt a bulinak, mehetett az áfter. Áfter után meg lehetett ülni a parkolóban a szürke Opel Astrában, meg elszívni két doboz cigit, és várni, hogy kimenjen a pia meg a kábítószer. Minden jól ment, vasárnap estére haza is ért az ember.
Aki ennél korábban ért haza, az vagy az anyjával lakott, vagy rosszul lett, vagy megverték. Utóbbi igen gyakori volt, egyébként. Rosszabb esetben egymást verték, szakszerűtlenül, jobb esetben a porta őket. Vagy mindkettő.
Tudom, hogy jóérzésű ember általában nem leli örömét isten teremtményeinek kínzásában, de részint a kidobók nem jóérzésű emberek, másrészt az, aki erőszakosan fogdossa nőnemű társának miniszoknya alól kilógó picsáját, lökdösi a mellette álló férget, kést ránt, üvöltözik, poharakat tör, egyszóval nem tudja kulturáltan szétbaszni magát, az olyan, mintha egy 200 fokos sütőbe rakná a fejét. És hát valljuk be, abban sem lehetünk biztosak, hogy egy bekatizott negyven kilós csücsköt, akin lóg az M-es piros Energie póló, azt valóban a Jóisten teremtette. Vagy ha tényleg ő, akkor nem direkt arra, hogy vicces kölcsönhatásokba kerüljön különböző szilárd és kemény felületekkel.
Következménye meg nem volt az efféle kísérletezésnek, mert ezeknek a szerencsétlen hóembereknek nem volt különösebben erős érdekérvényesítési képességük, már csak azért sem, mert a rendőrök is másodállásban portáztak. Egyszer előfordult, hogy az egyik eltángált küblimanó, aki olyan volt, mint akit egy A5-ös lapból vágott ki a Michael J. Fox, másnap elment a rendőrségre feljelentést tenni. Aztán az asztal mögött ott találta, aki előző este beleverte a fejét a bejárati fémajtóba. Úgyhogy ott is belebaszta a fejét a telefonkönyvbe. Mondjuk persze a rendőr is hülye volt, mint a faszom, mert a telefonkönyvvel verésnek épp az a lényege, hogy ne legyen nyoma, de az ember csak annyit tudott, hogy az őrsön azzal kell verni másokat.
Mindenesetre nosztalgiázzunk egy kicsit egy jó kis régi hétvégével.
Kicsit indulatos vagyok, voltam portázni és kőkeményen tele van már a faszom a sok csíragyökér emberi fajjal. Gondolkoztam már azon is, hogy lekapom a kocsiról a sárga lámpát, abbahagyom a portázást és keresek valami rendes szakmát. Elmegyek preparátornak, azt kitömök mindenkit szalmával a gecibe.
Azzal kezdődött az egész, hogy a Malomban pénteken szalagavatós buli volt pár egysejtűnek. És tényleg egy sejtből állnak, egy faszból. Aztán csináltak maguknak vipet, vipet bazmeg! Aztán a legnagyobb gyökerek öt rugóért különültek a többiektől, ahol az egyik főfasz egy miniszoknyás-csizmás pontyot fűzögetett épp, hogy kér-e valamit inni, mindegy hogy mit, mert van pénze. A csaj mondja, hogy kösz nem, az meg csak azért is folytatja, hogy banknál dolgozik, csak lejött szórakozni, de alig tudott megállni, ilyen kicsi parkolóhelyeken. Mert nagy a kocsi, tette hozzá, hátha a csaj magától nem értette volna meg ezt a bonyolult összefüggést. Utána még kétszer megkérdezte, hogy tényleg nem kér-e semmit, bármit, valamit, de a csaj továbbra sem kért egyiket sem. Úgyhogy a gyerek végül jól lepicsázta. Én mondjuk már az első mondatánál szájon basztam volna a gyereket, aztán rajoskodjon az ügyeletesnek, de hát nem engem akart megbaszni.
Mondjuk kicsit magam is meglepődtem, mert a legtöbb esetben a sok kis agyonhasznált picsa könnyekig meghatódik az ilyen szövegtől, legalábbis nincs olyan, hogy a tíz legnagyobb faszbuldózer apucikedvence tirnyák ne rángasson haza valami sötét kóbor kurvát gyalulni.
Gyerek viszont végül tényleg föladta a dolgot és inkább a kisbarátjának sopánkodott, hogy mekkora geci volt az apja, mer nem adta oda a X7-est. Gondolom kellett neki is, azzal ment kinyalni a kislányokat. Múltkor egyébként pont a Malom előtt a Nagymezőn, ahová csak a békávé, meg a taxisok mehetnek be, parkolt egy kék UV-val megbolondított X7-es, elakadásjelzővel, a trolik meg egész este kerülgették, miközben a tulaja meg bent porszívózott. Később aztán láttam, hogy a csávó két csajjal távozik. Taxival, a kocsit meg hagyta a gecibe bójának az úton. Ha azt gondolod, hogy megbüntették, vagy valami, akkor kurvára nem tudsz te semmit.
Úgyhogy lehet ennek a kis görcsnek volt az apja, bár lényegtelen, mert ha nem, akkor meg egy másiknak, és ennek itt meg egy másik buzi volt az apja. Mindenesetre ekkor már bőven azon rugozótt az agyam, hová tudnám elásni a vakondokok mellé, amikor odatoppan elém egy szopottgombóc, hogyaszondja hol vehet karszalagot, vipeset. Mondom neki, köszönni talán faszomszekrény, szüleid hol barangoltak, miután kimásztál anyád picsájából, he? Néz erre nagyon bambán bazmeg, látom próbálja kitalálni, hogy kell köszönni. Aszondja végül, jó napot, hello, szia, bocs, hol vehetek karszalagot? Mutattam neki, hogy annál ott, aztán viselkedj jól, mert a legközelebb a legkisebb dologért is rádlépek.
Gondoltam ezután teszek egy kört, hogy lehiggadjak, erre azt látom, hogy az asztalon kokainozik két szarfaszú. Mondom hé, miért nem otthon az apátok faszáról szívjátok a drogotokat, törpebuzik? Hát mi a kurva anyátokat képzeltek, hol vagytok? Erre hátulról megfogja a vállam egy harmadik bendegúz, hogy ne bántsam őket, jó gyerekek. Mondom jó gyerekek, ezek? Babzsáknak legfeljebb. A másik, hogy mi a faszt fogdossa a vállam, nem fél-e hogy pofánbaszom? Erre, hogy velük így ne beszéljek, mert nem tudhatom, hogy ők kiknek a kicsodái. Ekkor már beleüvöltöttem a fülei közé, hogy ő itt egy kibaszott árva, és ha a helyen kívül még ha vannak is valami emberi korcsok, akik a szülei, attól ő már nem fog feltámadni, miután elástam a kertemben a kertitörpe alá. Erre a bogáncsképű tovább izmozik, hogy engem ki fog rugatni, meg hogy így meglátom, meg úgy meglátom. Mondtam neki, hogy amíg meglátom, addig azért takaródjanak ki tetves a gecibe, mert ha két perc múlva is itt találom őket, bedugom a fejét a haverja szaros valagába. Biztos tudhatta, mire számíthatna a retek kis buzija, mert fél perc múlva már ott se voltak.
Közben meg bent is sürgésforgás támadt, mert az egyik selejt lehányta valakinek a hátát, az meg megfejelte ott helyben. Aztán a kis terminátorka szólítgatta a földön fekvőt, hogy keljen fel a párjáért. Mondjuk ha többet akart volna verekedni, akkor nem a legkisebb csótányt kellett volna megbólintania, mert ez a gyerek akkor se kelt volna fel, ha maga a Carmen Electra kérlelte volna egy baszásért. Úgyhogy, hogy nehogy pofára essen valaki a gyerekben, azt baja essék, kiraktuk szépen kint a kuka mellé, azzal, hogy ha tényleg nem kel föl többet, hétfőn majd elviszik a szeméttel együtt. A rugósnyakut meg kitapostuk az utcára, hogy ott folytassa az anyázást, mert akit lehánytak, az olyan mintha kidobták volna kidobósban. Menjen haza, piperészkedjen, aztán ha megveszi újra a belépőt, és én beengedem, akkor akár visszaállhat ugyanoda, ahol most van. A szétkokózott csaja meg csak sípolta, hogy basszameg téged lehánytak, Bubó. Bubó meg mondta is neki, hogy fogja be a pofáját, ne ordítozzon, mert beletapos egyet. Úgyhogy ezt nekünk legalább már nem kellett elmagyarázni.
Azt hittem ezzel legalább vége a megpróbáltatásoknak, de később aztán végképp bedurrant az agyam. Az egyik hullajelölt letépte a budiban a kéztörlős dobozt, a másik meg bealudt a hányásában a retyón, volt amelyik meg a hangfalat rugdosta, a végefelé meg még valaki veréssel is fenyegetőzött, úgyhogy mindegyiknek adtunk legalább egy pofont, aztán hazazavartunk mindenkit a gecibe.
Kizárólag a saját érdekükben, mert a Slota ment már hátra a lapátért.
Lehet persze, hogy meg kellett volna várni, amig visszaér, mert ennyi tetves állat túl sok a szabad ég alá.
Tetszik, szeretem a stílusát, jól ír, jó rálátása van a dolgokra…
Mik ezek a nagybetűk?
És eskü úgy emlékszem hogy az eredetiben bubónak hívták azt akit lehánytak és az olyan mint akit kidobtak a kidobósban.
De a lényeg, hogy nagyon örülök a blognak az új formájában is! Hajrá Izom Tibi!
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